Oh Jay Leno

Jay Leno sucks. Why did they give him a new time slot? There is shit to watch on tv right now! NBC used to have the bomb shows! Other than abc, and maybe cbs (but come on, only old people watch that channel), most other channels have the news on at 10. I mean, the freaking format of his show hasn't even changed! It's nothing new! So why did they give him a new time slot? I have no idea. I personally don't even think he's funny. I bet you Stephen Colbert or John Stewart would kill him at the 10pm time slot. You guys are probably wondering why I hate him so much, and I will tell you. Because of him, some of my new favorite shows were cancelled, moved, or pushed back to the fall. Here is my list.

1. Life- Cop gets framed for murder, and like 10 years later is released because now they know it wasn't him. The city gives him millions of Dollars and he rejoins the police force to find out who framed him. It wasn't always serious and had its comedic moments. I loved that show. FUCK YOU JAY LENO!

2.Medium- I had just started watching this show and they cancelled it! Luckily CBS picked it up. FUCK YOU JAY LENO!

3.Chuck- Pushed back to the fall. This sucks, this means I had to wait freaking 9 months to see the new motherfuckin intersect kick peoples asses! FUCK YOU JAY LENO!

4. Law & Order: SVU- Wednesday @9? really? What happened to Tuesdays at 10pm? You know, the day where there is shit on tv? WHAT A DICK, JAY LENO!

5. All the cool new shows that could have been- Every year we get an opportunity to fall in love with a new show, and hate a couple too, but we have been robbed of this by Jay fucking Leno! Why doesn't he crawl under a rock and die?

This biggest issue is that I believe he has a contract locked in with NBC. So even though they are losing money and advertisers are dropping ads, he will still have his show! They should move that shit to 1am, when all the loser fans of his can watch him.

So this is my little rant for the day. JAY LENO IS A HOME WRECKER! HE KILLED AND VIOLATED MY FAMILY! HE PISSED ON MY FACE! AND PROCEEDED TO WIPE HIS ASS WITH THE TIES I WEAR TO WORK! THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS! DOWN WITH JAY LENO! SEND LETTERS TO NBC ASKING FOR HIS REMOVAL! WE MUST NO LONGER STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE! OR HE WILL VIOLATE YOUR FAMILY TOO!

THE FIVE MOST OVERBLOWN NEWS STORIES OF 2009 THAT EMBARASSED AMERICA

First off let me Apologize for the non blogging as of late. I have three topics I want to talk about, but been uber busy at work. This months blogs should make up for the lack of blogs in November. So as filler for now, please enjoy a blog from my best friend Carlos medrano. Thank you.-Pablo



We have a reputation of being a shallow, braindead country. To be fair, most of the people I know are pretty sharp and out of the house for 10 or more hours a day because they work so much. After spending 2/3rds of the day busting it or sleeping, who has a right to say whether you should spend your free time reading Heart of Darkness or watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta?

Why are we so superficial? Why are we not as refined as people in other places of the world? How could a country work itself into the ground yet be considered an empty, bubblegum culture? The reason is THE MEDIA.

Aside from its pursuit of money, the media operates in a realm separate from reality. However, in a strange way, it dictates our reality: What's considered important and newsworthy is usually laughable or cringeworthy. At other times, it's plain fearmongering. We're used to the baby being shot; to the 80 year old woman being mugged. We're even used to the new scientific study that says walking through subway turnstiles causes cancer. Controversy creates cash. If it bleeds, it leads. We know all the cynical aphorisms.

However, sometimes stories break that are so stupid they transcend rational explanation... not because of what happened, but because of the outcry they generate. And, of course, living in America, we get suckered into mindless conversations about these things which really don't matter to us at all.

So after touring the world to get to my point, HERE ARE THE FIVE MOST OVERBLOWN NEWS STORIES OF 2009 THAT EMBARASSED AMERICA:

1) KANYE @ THE VMAS - Where were you when you heard the news? I will never forget... I had gotten home after drinking about four tall boys at Pablo's house. I was fucked up and had no idea the VMAs still even existed. I make my nightly...hourly visit to Facebook and learn of the travesty that just occurred. The cries were all over:
"KANYE IS HITLER!"
"LEAVE KANYE ALONE!"
"BOTH OF YOU ARE STUPID FOR DISCUSSING THIS! WHAT ABOUT HEALTHCARE!"
"WHO THE FUCK IS TAYLOR SWIFT?"
The world was shaken at its foundations, and those on either side of the debate lost life and limb defending or berating the greatest artist since Michelangelo

2) MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH - Obviously, I'm not surprised that MJ's death was a complete firestorm. No, what I don't understand is why everyone decides to buy an artist's albums after he/she dies. Didnt you like him before he died? Why didn't it occur to you to buy his albums before? Not that I care, but you do know that Thriller has been out since the Reagan administration, right? Also, the real Michael Jackson died in the early 90s. It was funny seeing people on tv waxing poetic about the past self of a guy who was a pariah for the last 15 years of his life

3) SWINE FLU - EVERYONE HAS IT! THE CORPSES LINE THE STREETS! But don't get the vaccine... It'll kill you or at least make you blind

4) PALIN IN RUNNING SHORTS - This lady breeds petty, overblown news stories. Why do people hate her, though? Politically, I'm pretty apathetic. Everyone knows politics are a complete farse. However, it seems that most people think Republicans are much worse than Democrats. Yo, BOTH SIDES ARE EQUALLY FULL OF SHIT. I'm glad Obama got elected, but Republicans aren't even really Republicans anymore. And most Democrats have just as many rich buddies as the right-wingers. Oddly enough, Palin is actually more of a conservative than Bush and McCain combined. Maybe this is what pisses people off---she's SUPPOSED to be a feminist. Or maybe it's the fact she sounds like the mom from Bobby's World...

5) TIGER'S CAR ACCIDENT- My main inspiration for this note. This was the culmination of a year of non-stories. This may be a private matter, BUT THE FIRE HYDRANT IS PUBLIC DOMAIN! Also, what was the role of the tree in all of this? Joining us at the 5 o'clock hour will be a representative from JD Power and Associates who will analyze the damage on Woods' car as reported on TMZ


And these are my five dumbest stories of 2009. Have I forgotten one?

Grinds mi gears!!!(subway etiquette edition)

You know what grinds my gears? Fuckin fucks that see that there's a
train at the platform and decide to take their time or not moving to
the side to let others get on that train. Fucking Fucks! Lol.

You know what grinds my gears? People who don't move in when the train
is getting packed. I mean come on! Also people that stand by the door
and make no effort to let people in or out. They don't even try to
stay at the door by standing face toward the seats next to you! Move
man! Then they get mad when people rush through them!
People that don't wait til everyone gets out of the train also grinds
my gears. Let people out first jackass!

Why am I paying more money to be delayed mta? Grinds my fuckin gears!

I'm done with the gear grinding but I have a few questions for the
mta. What happened to all the red subway trains?why just silver? The
mta should be fashionable. Why not have a green or orange trains? How
bout blue?

Who does the voices for the new silver trains? We should know who is
talking to us. Where do you apply? Can I have an application?

Okay I'm done ranting, I don't have headphones for my iPhone so I
decided to type this up on my way home!

Here's a funny Jamaican term that Chris Campbell from circuit taught.
"mi gwaan pinch her puny jaw".lol

Gwaaan gyal,

Pablo

Chinese food surprise

I was feeling hungry and in the mood for chinese food yesterday. So I
order beef with broccoli lunch special from Bennys on 105th street. So
I'm eating my food and it's pretty tasty...until I bite j to something
hard. I spit it out of my mouth an low and behold what looks like a
nail! So I was a little grossed out at first but then got over it, I
mean, I ate half of it before I found the nail, might as well finish
it, what's the difference right? Lol but now I think back and I don't
think that was a human nail...it looked like a cat nail...I guess what
they say about American Chinese food is true... They use cats for the
meat. Oh well shit taste good and as spanish people say, "lo que no
mata engorda", which in my case I shouldn't be doing. So I'm not
ordering from that place anymore, and I normally don't, if ur around
my way, eat from empire corner instead, it at least looks cleaner and
does taste better! Chinese people are so silly!

-Pablo

New age vampires

What's up with these new gay ass vampire movies like twilight and
vampire diaries. I mean they are unbelievably gay. I will be writing a
blog about this soon, but I need to watch twilight and at least two
episodes of diaries. Although I am already biased against them, I can
not say anything without watching it first. So I will dl twilight this
weekend and see what the fuss is about. But as a vamp in true blood
once said, "what's the point of being a vampire if you can't kill
anyone?"

Sent from my iPhone

What Men not necessarily want but wish for!

Most men would probably agree with me here(and as always, I speak for the masses)... but I have always said that sometimes, it would just be cool if life were like a porno. Deep down inside, we wish that we would sit at a bar, and just like in a dozen porn videos, a hot chick would sit next to us and just come out and say, "Wanna have sex?". And then you do the damn thing.

It's not that we aren't looking for a meaningful life partner, but before you get to the part of falling in love, you want to have a decent amount of "fun". In actuality, we just wish it can be this easy to get some! I mean, the end result is the same! Technically women are prostituting themselves when they make us take them out on multiple dates (only if its not a serious hook up). We would all save some time if we were just real with what we REALLY want.

Now, I show this world premiere video. This lady is what most men dream of (in terms of her actions, not necessarily her looks) lmfao.



Now, you may say, Pablo, she is just dancing obscenely! Well, that was the first time Neo Junebug ever met this lady, and he only knew her for about an hour when this happened. An hour later, he took her to an empty basement apartment, and banged her. EASY PEAZY! Neo Junebug has left some comments on his experience below.

Neo Junebug: "The world needs more whores like this! Some girls act like they are, but they don't understand how easy she made it for me! I kinda just rolled thru with a hard on and got what I wanted. lol. That's every man's dream."
"Like I always say, girls are critical of guys because they only want sex and are afraid of commitment, but girls only want commitment and are afraid of sex. So in the end, we're equal! lol"

So ladies, I'm not saying to whore yourself off! But if you are a whore, be a proud and open whore like that lady! Don't front and make guys go through loop after loop of bullshit! JUST DO IT! and as always, please remember to wrap it up!!! lol

Top 5 things New Yorkers secretly hate ( I hate it so I assume you all hate it to)

5. Midtown traffic....

4. People who are in front of you walking in the middle of times
square and suddenly stop! Veer to the side veer to the side!

3. People who bring bikes into the subway... No explaination
necessary. All I got to say is that you have like no excuse for this.
You aren't cripple and you ain't no tourist. Bike your ass straight to
your destination!

2. Tourist/people with fucking hiking bags or luggage on the subway or
bus. I mean WTF!? Aside from having one big ass bag on their back,
they od' and have 3 or 4 extra big bags. To top it off, they choose to
travel during rush hour!

1. People in wheelchairs that hold up the bus. Yup I said it. I hate
this. Shouldn't There be a bus just for them!? It takes like 5 minutes
to load them on board buckle them in and then go. Then an extra five
minutes when they get off. And they always get on when it's most
inconvenient for you. What kills me th most though is when someone
with an electric one comes on and gets off 3 stops later. Smh!!! It's
easier than walking assholes!!!

Did I miss anything?

Kids TV shows suck now!

Kids TV shows suck nowadays! The other day I ask my nephews, what do you watch? Kaeden answers, SpongeBob(ok, that show is awesome I thought to myself), Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, Zack and Cody,and other very disturbing answers. Only one of those shows was a cartoon. My nieces watch Dora, Diego, Blue Clues; all learning shows!(wtf America!)What ever happened to the toons man!? The only toons I ever see on tv anymore are anime which technically arent cartoons, cause they are more for teens.

What ever happened to the Looney Tunes, The Animaniacs, Ren & Stimpy, Rugrats, and Bobby's World, and Wacky Races of our day! All of those cartoons were hilarious and classic. Shit, alot of the Looney Tunes episodes were over 20 years old when I started watching them, maybe more, and they were fucking hilarious no matter how many times you watched it! Watching Elmer Fudd being tricked by Bugs Bunny never got old! Jerry fooling Tom into going into the Bulldogs house was always a riot! Good Idea, Bad Idea was always an excellent source of advise. Below is a clip to another good idea bad idea clip and you tell me shit aint funny! I just feel that Children under 8 years old should stick to actual cartoons and no bs tween shows. I could go on a rampage, but honestly, I got out of work at pretty much 8:30pm, and I already feel like I have to go to bed, so please enjoy the clips I leave to you of my favorite old school cartoons. Enjoy and post your own old school favorites.












P.S. SpongeBob is the shit even though it took a page out of Ren & Stimpy's book.lol.

Cheating

Cheating... The giant relationship breaker. The creme de la creme of
you fucked up. For centuries, cheating on your spouse or loved one has
been looked down upon. Cheating has pretty much put a nail in the
coffin in most relationships once the secret was revealed! Cheating
seems like the totally wrong thing to do, but i'm here to tell you
that its not always so cut and dry. Please, ready yourselves for my
wisdom.

Cheating can be a good thing. Yes i said it, a good thing! You may
ask, hey Pablo, how the fuck can cheating be a good thing? Well, first
it relieves stress from a relationship. After sex with another person,
you no longer feel the need to argue over small things. Instead, you
feel more connected to your partner. You may feel guilty at first, but
if sex with the other is purely carnal and not about love, you will be
okay with it. I don't believe two people can stay faithful to one
another forever. People who do not cheat will almost always break up,
because they are too high strung! Sex relaxes you and lets you see
clearly. So a potential argument over not caring enough will be
thwarted by you bringing flowers to ur gf after cheating. All im
saying is that when couples cheat on each other, they are less likely
to get caught up in bs arguments!

Cheating is wrong Pablo!! Like i said, it ain't. Most couples cheat on
each other anyway, they just keep it under wraps, as it should!
Cheating can definitely be a positive if done correctly. We are human
and we love to fuck! Plain and simple! Anyone who has said they would
never cheat/never thought of cheating is fooling themselves or full of
shit!! We had dicks and pussies and dickpussies for a reason! We were
born so we can fuck as many people as possible before we die! I know
so many people that fit this bill!! Even our own politicians cheat!
(funny how I said bill, politicians, and cheat in back 2 back
sentences. Pun not intended, but funny none the less!) I mean do you
realize how crazy that is!? These are the people that are supposed to
be upstanding, but at the end of the day, they are just like normal
people...cheaters!

So ladies and gentlemen, stop thinking your partners are saints,
stop thinking its wrong to cheat! Its only wrong to get caught! And if
you get caught, then you try to work it out! You fall in love for
companionship, you have sex for pleasure, two different things. So
peeps with relationship issues, have someone else pleasure you, and
watch your relationship blossom once again!

I have nothing left to say on this subject, other than you obviously
have to wear protection idiots! Goodnight!!

-------UPDATE 8.27.09--------

lol just an FYI, i forgot to mention that these are not my beliefs. This is just an observation I have made and the reasoning behind why people may think it's okay. This was basically my dissertation on cheaters. Lol take care!



!

Any counterpoints? Respond in the comment section!

-Pablo
"Ooxxooxoxxooooxoxoxxxooo x"

Why GOD hates us

Here are some random reasons why i believe GOD hates us!(or the GODS
if you believe in polytheism)

1. We can't use the force.
2. We can't become vampires.
3. We can't raise and lower our cholestorol at will.
4. We can't fly.
5. We don't have superhuman powers.
6. He made us and decided to be a sterotypical black father figure.
7. Premarital sex is a sin.
8. Marital sex with a condom is a sin.
9. Masturbating is a sin.
10. We die with no idea where the fuck we are going, if anywhere.
11. He made Michael Jackson.
12. He killed Michael Jackson.
13. He allowed The Hills to exist.
14. Spencer Pratt...nuff said
15. Bush got elected twice!!!

Hope you enjoyed the list. Feel free to add your own inthe comments
section.

AwesomeTshirts

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Brand New

Hello everyone out there in internet land!

Its a hot Saturday afternoon and I have no idea what to do!! So I said to myself, "Pablo, make a blog and get it forwarded by your now debunked myawesometshirts.com site!" So viola! So Pablo, what is your blog going to be about?! Well let me tell you kiddies!!! EVERYTHING! I will blog about clothing(probably just awesome tshirts), movies, people, places, and pretty much anything that comes up in my head. I will also take suggestions on topics to write about! Well for now I'm out. See ya later!!

Old Myspace Blogs

I am going to post some of my Old Myspace Blogs now, just as a taste of whats to come!!

Crazy Pills 01/31/08

January 31, 2008 - Thursday

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! Current mood: crazy Category: Blogging I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! This will be a new blog that will tell you guys what things make me feel crazy. Here we goooo! Okay first things first. I think my room mate is kinda slow.lol. How is that that he talks about the same things over and over again.Here is a conversation we had two weeks ago. Him: Yo I heard John Cena is out cause he was caught in the steroid list. Is that true? Me: Nah, he just injured his shoulder cause he doesn't know how to wrestle. I mean he got injured doing a hip toss. He should quit. Him: Why you gotta hate on my man Cena for? Last week Me: (Watching Wrestling) See this is a good wrestling match unlike John Cena's matches. Him:Why you gotta hate on my man Cena for?I heard John Cena is out cause he was caught in the steroid list. Is that true? Me:(WTF??)Nah, he just injured his shoulder cause he doesn't know how to wrestle. A few days ago: Me: You heard John Cena came back at the Royal Rumble? Him: Word? Thats hot. Me: Yea and he won now he has a shot at the Title at Wrestlemania, which is pretty gay. Him:Why you gotta hate on my man Cena for?I heard John Cena is out cause he was caught in the steroid list. Is that true? Me:(OMG) Then I tell him the usual. I mean really, what the hell man? Are you telling me he doesn't remember conversations?lol. Thats disturbing. He must always feel like he's having deja vu. Other topics he has repeated: Emeril Live being cancelled(which its not) How much it costs to do Laundry downstairs? Where did you get that wine and how much does it cost cause imma buy some.(still waiting for that) Writing this is giving me a headache just thinking about this. I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

The Grinds My Gears Collection

October 24, 2007 - Wednesday

What Grinds My Gears/ Random Rant Category: Blogging You know what Grinds my Gears? Women on the subway that complain that men won't offer their seats to them. I mean what was the women's rights movement about? Equality right? Then stop complaining. We don't give a fuck just like we won't give a fuck if some dude with 6 big Macy's bags was standing up. Only exceptions for me are pregnant women and old ladies. Other than that, if you want to get on the subway with your 4 kids then don't expect me to give up my seat. You know what else Grinds my Gears? When people see you dressed up and make a big deal out of it. I mean really, have you never seen a man in a shirt and tie before? Get a LIFE!!! Another thing that Grinds my Gears is that when I go to a nightclub I have to work the room to find a 7-10, but when I'm just chilling only the ugly chicks wanna step to me. Like I'm ugly or something. What you mean huh? The last thing that Grinds my Gears is when Bums step up to me to ask me for money. I mean what is it an IN thing? The subway is like a parade for bums. Go get a job. There are fountains all over NYC for you to take a shower! USE THEM PLEASE! If your gonna beg for money, at least smell good! April 8, 2008 - Tuesday Grinds my gears! YOU KNOW WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS? Probably not, so let me tell you! 1. Why is it, that when I am on the train to/from work, I feel like people are staring at me, but then look away? First I think to myself, "Am I ugly?" Then I scratch that because that aint true. Then I ask myself, " Could I have my own reality tv show like in The Truman Show but I don’t know it?", I still think that is possible though. I haven’t totally given up on that. Then I think to myself, maybe they are just randomly looking at people and when I look back they look away? I think that is probable because I myself do it for no particular reason for other than its pretty hilarious. It still bothers me though that it is done to me. I mean really! I am on my way to work! I don’t need you looking at me while I’m listening to Oochie Wally at full blast while on the train okay?!...I really don’t do that though...I go with softer songs in the morning like, Hit em up by 2pac and Chop Suey by System of a Down. WHAT? I DON’T KNOW MAN! 2. People that call my house mad early when they know I am either A. Sleeping B. About to wake up in 10 minutes. I mean really, what is so important that it can not wait til the afternoon. At least leave a fukin text after 8. BULLSHIT! 3. Why are you telling me long ass stories for a short ass main point. I mean really, just tell me the important stuff! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!LOL. 4. Why is it that my computer has no devices in the device manager? I mean really! Not even Microsoft has an answer for this! I have tried mad hotfixes and I am pretty sure that a System restore won’t help because it started the problem! So what the fuck! 5. If I am able to work from home through Citrix(A portal system), why in the blue hell do I even have to go to work most of the time? I mean really. What the hell? 6. I can go on, but here is the last thing that grinds my gears because I have to go to sleep cause of freaking work!(See above) Me and Carlos are talking the other day about the upcoming election and he brings to my attention that McCain will probably win because Obama/Hilary at this point are still fighting each other. And that these Mid-Westerners are mostly Republicans... That pisses me off. Carlos and I would like for Dems to win, but its not realistic! SHIT!. Fuck! And whats the point in voting then? Most people in NY vote Democrate anyway, but it makes no difference in the national election. Shit, not even the popular vote counts in the U.S. That was going to be the last grinds my gears, but my sister just made fun of me because of the way I was typing. Extra... My sister Gee grinds my gears, because I just want to kick her ass. I mean she is wearing a freakin blue shirt, she looks like the freaking cookie monster...lol fat bitch. She is gonna die when she reads this. Night all! December 7, 2008 - Sunday What grinds my gears! Current mood: rebellious Category: Blogging Hello all, here is another installment of What Grinds My Gears! Now here is a fair warning...I will be getting at people in this blog. So if it sounds like I am talking about you, I probably am! But don't get mad, just move on...lol. You know what grinds my gears? People that eat food(especially smelly) on a bus or train! You can't possibly tell me that you couldn't wait until you arrive at home to eat. I mean WTF???! I was on the bus this morning headed to 125th, and some nigga was eating a fucking fish sandwich that stunk up the bus. Didn't your mother teach you manners. If you are going to eat something on a bus or train, let it be chips or a regular sandwich that doesn't stink up the bus. Chinese is also a no-no, you don't know how many times I have seen people eating that shit on the train. And everytime, I pray to GOD, ALLAH, BUDDAH, SATAN, and RYAN SEACREST to have someone spew all over that persons food. And thats all I have to say about that! You know what else Grinds my gears? People that say things like "Am going to school". The proper way to say/spell that is either "I am going to school or I'm going to school". "Am" by itself is not sufficient. At first, I noticed a small amount of people saying and writing that, but I must say that this virus has spread so horribly and its killing me. Yes, it is killing ME, which is why I have finally decided to say something about it. When its a small group of people doing it, no problem because I can deal with it, but when its motherfucking lawyers and people who have high paying jobs, I have to draw the line. Where were the teachers/professors when they saw "am" on an essay. Why did they not correct it? It's like the teacher's never said anything and these people thought it was okay. I blame the teachers for fucking dropping the ball on this one. I can't even blame the people who do this. That is all I'm going to say about that!!! You know what grinds my gears? People who are broke and can't go anywhere! Thats it. You know what else grinds my gears? People who are like over 21 and worry about their parents being mad that they are going out. Yea I said it...lol. Well thats all I have! So let's get the gun shots going! Sorry if I offended anyone, but I had to vent a little bit. But I'm not really sorry. Plus you'll get over it. Until next time!